The Butcher & the Dog

The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.”

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog’s mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog’s mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. It does, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on.

The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door.

He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There’s no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his
head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for goodness sake!” To which the guy responds, “Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

Seeing Eye Chihuahua?

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pincer and a guy with a Chihuahua.

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says, “Just follow my lead.”

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pincer puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

A guy at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.”

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The guy at the door says, “A Doberman Pincer?” He says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.”

The guy at the door says, “Come on in.”

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, “hey why not?,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The guy at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?”

Reasons Why
Dogs Don’t Use Computers
  1. Can’t stick their heads out of Windows XP.
  2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
  3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
  4. Too difficult to “mark” every web site they visit.
  5. Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”
  6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
  7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they’re browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
  8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that virtual Frisbee.
  9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
  10. Still trying to come up with an emoticon that signifies tail wagging.
  11. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
  12. Saliva coated CD-R’s refuse to work.
  13. SIT and STAY were hard enough; DELETE and SAVE are out of the question!
  14. Distracted by cats chasing the mouse.
  15. TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS (“Too hard to type with paws!”)