A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

‘Mommy,’ she said, ‘can we leave now?’

‘No’ her mother replied.

‘Well, I think I’m gonna be sick, Momma!’

‘Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush.’

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

‘Were you sick?’ her mom asked.

‘Yes.’

‘How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?’

‘I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.’

These are actual letters from parents to teachers, with spelling mistakes intact.

• My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,31, 32, and also 33.

• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

• Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

• Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

• Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to getthe Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

• Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

• Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Ok, this one has some humor, some wisdom, some heart-warming sentiment. Sorry, it won’t happen again!

• I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing “Silent Night”. –Age 7

• I’ve learned that you can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. –Age 7

• I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. –Age 9

• I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.–Age 13

• I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.–Age 13

• I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. –Age 24

• I’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures. –Age 29

• I’ve learned that wherever I go, the worlds’ worst drivers have followed me there. –Age 29

• I’ve learned…that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. –Age 39

• I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.–Age 41

• I’ve learned that you can make someone’s day by simply sending them a little card. –Age 44

• I’ve learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. –Age 46

• I’ve learned that singing “Amazing Grace” can lift my spirits for hours. –Age 49

• I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. –Age 50

• I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. –Age 52

• I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. –Age 53

• I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. –Age 58

• I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. –Age 61

• I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. –Age 62

• I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. you need to be able to throw something back. –Age 64

• I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. –Age 65

• I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. –Age 66

• I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer. –Age 72

• I’ve learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I’ve seen several. –Age 73

• I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. –Age 82

• I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that humans touch–holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.–Age 85

• I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.–Age 92