Now available! REVISED GOSPEL HYMNS for today’s generation of modern churchgoers. The old favorites can now be sung without guilt, conviction, or discomfort. Hundreds of your old favorites made comfortable. Some of the titles include:

• “Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound”
• “Praise God from whom All Affirmations Flow”
• “Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me”
• “When Peace, Like a Trickle”
• “What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus”
• “Blest Be the Tie that Doesn’t Cramp My Style”
• “I Surrender Some”
• “Standing on the Premises”
• “Sweet Minute of Prayer”
• “Blessed Insurance”
• “Come We That Like the Lord”
• “Onward, Social Workers”
• “The Gold-Plated Cross”
• “Some for Jesus”
• “I Have My Own Way”

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

Often music will describe for us better than any other medium, the stuff of life. With this in mind check out the following list of hymns.

• The chiropractor’s hymn – STAND UP, STAND UP.
• The electricians hymn – SEND THE LIGHT.
• The poor person’s hymn – I CARE NOT FOR RICHES.
• The rainmaker’s hymn – SHOWERS OF BLESSING
• The surgical patient’s hymn – I LONG TO BE PERFECTLY WHOLE.
• The day you find out you’re pregnant hymn – O HAPPY DAY.
• The day you find out you’re NOT pregnant hymn – O HAPPY DAY.
• The Mountain Home Builder’s Association hymn – MY HOUSE IS BUILT UPON A ROCK
• My kid’s getting even with me hymn – O THEY TELL ME OF A HOME.
• The ranger station hymn – ON A HILL FAR AWAY.
• The physical therapist hymn – ONE STEP AT A TIME.
• The divorced person’s hymn – OUT OF MY BONDAGE.
• The WIDE LOAD hymn – PASS ME NOT.
• The rescuer’s hymn – SEEKING THE LOST.
• The fisherman’s hymn – SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER.
• The last payment hymn – SINCE I CAN READ MY TITLE CLEAR.
• The seamstress hymn – SOWING IN THE MORNING.
• The dater’s hymn – THE NIGHT IS FAST PASSING.
• The thirsty person’s hymn – THERE IS A FOUNTAIN.
• The slingshot hymn – THERE IS A ROCK.
• The telephone repairman’s hymn – THERE’S A CALL COMES RINGING.
• The dieter’s hymn – THOU, MY EVER LASTING PORTION.
• The chain gang hymn – GO LABOR ON.
• The hiker’s hymn – WALKING IN THE SUNLIGHT.
• The car accident hymn – WE SAW THEE NOT.
• The lawyer’s hymn – WHEN ALL MY LABORS AND TRIALS ARE OVER.
• The street crossing guard hymn – WHY DO YOU WAIT?
• The prisoner’s hymn – WOULD YOU BE FREE?
• The home builder’s hymn – A MIGHTY FORTRESS
• The parade master’s hymn – FLING OUT THE BANNER.
• The weatherman’s hymn – FROM EVERY STORMY WIND THAT BLOWS
• The Darning Association’s hymn – HOLY, HOLY, HOLY.
• The Girdle Association’s hymn – HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION.
• The caterer’s hymn – ALL THINGS ARE READY, COME TO THE FEAST.
• The salesman’s hymn – ALMOST PERSUADED.
• The insurance man’s hymn – BLESSED ASSURANCE.
• The cowboy’s hymn – DAY IS DYING IN THE WEST.
• The accountant’s hymn – EARTH HOLDS NO TREASURES.
• The traveler’s hymn – FAR AND NEAR.
• The scuba diver’s hymn – FAR AWAY IN THE DEPTHS.
• The whisperer’s hymn – HARK! THE GENTLE VOICE.
• The whining spouse hymn – HAVE THINE OWN WAY.
• The wagon master’s hymn – HE LEADETH ME.
• The hearing aid salesman’s hymn – HEAR THE SWEET VOICE.
• The lost traveler’s hymn – HERE WE ARE BUT STRAYING PILGRIMS.
• The oxen hymn – HIS YOKE IS EASY.
• The new kid in the class hymn – I AM A STRANGER HERE.
• The rookie hang glider’s hymn – I AM DWELLING ON THE MOUNTAIN.
• The Vegetable Grower’s Association hymn – I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE.
• The explorer’s hymn – I HAVE HEARD OF A LAND.
• The watch repairman’s hymn – I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR.
• The Job Service hymn – I WANT TO BE A WORKER.
• The ironing lady’s hymn – I’M PRESSING ON.
• The distiller’s hymn – I REACHED THE LAND OF CORN AND WINE.
• The lost dog hymn – I’VE WANDERED FAR.
• The half time Alaska hymn – IN THE LAND OF FADELESS DAY.
• The birthday hymn – IS IT FOR ME?
• The night watchman’s hymn – IT MAY BE AT MORN.
• The nervous groom’s hymn – JUST A FEW MORE DAYS.
• The perfect person’s hymn – JUST AS I AM.
• The drunkard’s hymn – LEAD ME GENTLY HOME.
• The psychiatrist hymn – LET US WITH A GLADSOME MIND.
• The pie maker’s hymn – PEACE, PERFECT PEACE.
• The Gold Collector’s Association hymn – PURER YET AND PURER.
• The Rock Collector’s Association hymn – ROCK OF AGES.
• The dynamite specialist hymn – SAFELY THROUGH ANOTHER WEEK.
• The race car hymn – SPEED AWAY.
• The payment book hymn – WE GIVE THEE BUT THINE OWN.
• The escaped convict’s hymn – FLEE AS A BIRD.
• The coal miner’s hymn – SOMEWHERE THE SUN IS SHINING.

From “Once Upon A Pew” Ken Alley, P.K. Good Idea Publications