• What is a computer’s first sign of old age? Loss of memory.
• What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
• What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar.
• What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.
• Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.
• What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.
• To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
• My computer isn’t that nervous. It’s just a bit ANSI.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows Vista crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Chuck, purchased a new laptop for his job. He travels a lot, and needs to have all the important information at his fingertips.

Unfortunately, in installing all the software an insidious new computer virus was also installed. This new virus randomly inserted profanity and scatological references into his printed copy, but didn’t display them on the screen. Since Chuck trusted his Spell Checker software, he never proofread his copy, and in short order he’d insulted most of his friends and all of his business associates.

When one of his more outspoken friends finally brought the situation to his attention, Chuck was very humiliated and became extremely depressed. He then developed an irrational desire to punish his computer, and he tried several methods to punish his computer for the grief it had brought him.

First, he attempted to cause corrosion of the power supply terminals by sprinkling them with sodium and calcium chloride from highway deicing barrels. Next, he scraped away the solder joints from the board. Finally he threw the whole system out the eighth floor window of his hotel.

Poor Chuck’s actions were reported to the Computer Protection Services. The next morning, he was arrested and charged with . . . a salted battery, breach of contacts, and making an obscene clone fall.