The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been
burglarized.

“It’s bad,” said the proprietor, “but it’s not as bad as it could have been
if he’d robbed me yesterday.”

“Why is that?” the detective asked.

“Because today everything was on sale.”

A noted criminal defense lawyer was making his closing argument for his client accused of murder, although the body of the victim had never been found. The lawyer dramatically turned to the courtroom’s clock and, pointing to it, announced, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have some astounding news. I have found the supposed victim of this murder to be alive! In just ten seconds, she will walk through the door of this courtroom.”

A heavy quiet suddenly fell over the courtroom as everyone waited for the dramatic entry. But nothing happened.

The smirking lawyer continued, “The mere fact that you were watching the door, expecting the victim to walk into this courtroom, is clear proof that you have far more than even a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed.” Tickled with the impact of his cleverness, the cocky lawyer confidently sat down to await acquittal.

The jury was instructed, filed out, and filed back in just ten minutes with a guilty verdict.

When the judge brought the proceedings to an end, the dismayed lawyer chased after the jury foreman: “Guilty? How could you convict? You were all watching the door!”

“Well,” the foreman explained, “Most of us were watching the door. But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn’t watching the door.”

Dateline: Paris, France

A miraculous theft occurred yesterday when a thief slipped in and out of the Louvre with a number of priceless art treasures.

After eluding all of the intricate security measures, the thief was captured just a few blocks from the museum when his Ford Econoline ran out of gas.

Investigators were baffled that a man who could elude such state of the art protection devices, could be foiled by such a minor oversight. When questioned about his gaffe, the burglar replied “I didn’t have the Monet to pay for Degas to make the Van Gogh.”