Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What’s your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That’s a dumb name for a parrot,&quot sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Musee d’Orsay. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

Often the debate over the citizens right to protect themselves and their property is a complicated one. Everyone is concerned with the increase in crime, but the question is how do you protect yourself? One gentleman from Albany Georgia had a novel idea after “weeding” through the options!

ALBANY, Ga. (AP) – The 74-year-old owner of a car dealership chased off an armed robber with a weed trimmer, whacking him in the behind after the gunman menaced, ”Old man, I’ve got you now.”

The robber showed up at Oran McGlamry’s dealership Thursday with a .38-caliber pistol, Police Chief James Vick said.

McGlamry, forced to give up his wallet in a holdup Monday, rushed the gunman with his humming weed trimmer. The surprised robber turned to run and fell. That’s when McGlamry kicked his trimmer into full throttle and whacked him in the buttocks, Vick said.

The robber ran away but sheriff’s deputies found him.

”I was just trying to do what any other man would have done to protect his business, his wife and his life,” McGlamry said Friday.

Jason Gordon, 17, was charged with armed robbery, aggravated assault, carrying a concealed weapon and carrying a pistol without a license, police said.

Gordon had two cuts in the seat of his pants. He didn’t require medical help but ‘I’m sure it stung pretty good,’ Vick said.

Vick quote the robber as telling McGlamry, ‘Old man, I’ve got you now.’ McGlamry responded: ‘No you don’t.’

On Monday, Gordon and another teen-ager robbed McGlamry while he was showing them a car, Vick said.