No, not me, at least not yet, but it is approaching. Better keep this handy. You’ll need it some day!

• I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts until 8 p.m.

• I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

• I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

• I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano and antacid.

• I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

• I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

• I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you are saying.

• I’m very good at telling stories…over and over and over and over.

• I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

• I’m so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care….

• I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians….

• I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

• I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

• I’m wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

• I’m having trouble remembering simple words like….

• I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

• I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

• I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation….

• I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

• I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors…absolutely nothing.

• I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

• I’m in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CDs, IRAs, AARP….

• I’m wondering…if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 135?

• I’m supporting all movements now…by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

• I’m a walking storeroom of facts…I’ve just lost the storeroom.

• I’m a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life!

Ok, this one has some humor, some wisdom, some heart-warming sentiment. Sorry, it won’t happen again!

• I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing “Silent Night”. –Age 7

• I’ve learned that you can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. –Age 7

• I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. –Age 9

• I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.–Age 13

• I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.–Age 13

• I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. –Age 24

• I’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures. –Age 29

• I’ve learned that wherever I go, the worlds’ worst drivers have followed me there. –Age 29

• I’ve learned…that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. –Age 39

• I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.–Age 41

• I’ve learned that you can make someone’s day by simply sending them a little card. –Age 44

• I’ve learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. –Age 46

• I’ve learned that singing “Amazing Grace” can lift my spirits for hours. –Age 49

• I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. –Age 50

• I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. –Age 52

• I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. –Age 53

• I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. –Age 58

• I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. –Age 61

• I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. –Age 62

• I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. you need to be able to throw something back. –Age 64

• I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. –Age 65

• I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. –Age 66

• I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer. –Age 72

• I’ve learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I’ve seen several. –Age 73

• I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. –Age 82

• I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that humans touch–holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.–Age 85

• I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.–Age 92

An elderly couple were experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class, where you learn to remember things by association.

Later, the man was talking to a neighbor about how much the class helped him.

“Who was the instructor?” asked the neighbor.

“Oh, let’s see,” pondered the man. “Ummm… What’s that flower, you know, that smells real nice, but it has those thorns…?”

“A rose?” offered the neighbor.

“Right,” said the man. He turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the guy we took that memory class from?”