One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat “you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know”.

The cat thinks for a moment and says “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” The Lord stops the cat and says “say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer.

The mice answer “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?” The Lord says “say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him “How are things since you are here?” The cat stretches and yawns and replies “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are theeeeeeeee best!!!”

A young couple was looking forward to the day they were to get married. Unfortunately, that plan was changed when they were both killed in a car accident.

Upon their arrival in Heaven, they sought out St. Peter and told him they were planning on getting married when they were killed, and asked St. Peter if he could arrange to have them married in Heaven. He pondered the question and said it would be difficult, but to come back in five years.

Five years later, they returned and again repeated their request. St. Peter said he hadn’t been able to make the arrangements yet, but asked them to return in another five years.

Five years later, they reappeared to him and St. Peter rejoiced in telling them he had been able to make the final arrangements. They were married shortly thereafter.

A few years later, they were having problems in their marriage and decided to get a divorce. They went to St. Peter, asking him to make the divorce arrangements. In exasperation, St. Peter said: “It took me ten years to get a judge up here so you could get married, and now you want me to find a LAWYER?”

A Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they’re standing before St. Peter.

First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. “I can’t let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny.”

Then came the Methodist. “Sorry, can’t let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!”

The Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, “It doesn’t look good, Fanny.