A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

‘Mommy,’ she said, ‘can we leave now?’

‘No’ her mother replied.

‘Well, I think I’m gonna be sick, Momma!’

‘Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush.’

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

‘Were you sick?’ her mom asked.

‘Yes.’

‘How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?’

‘I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.’

This list apparently comes from a healthcare professional who has come across the following quotes from actual medical records dictated by physicians.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

• Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

• The patient has no past history of suicides.

• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

• Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

• The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

• The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

• The patient refused an autopsy.

I have this friend who seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused… told me I was crazy. But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4″ shorter than his right.

A quick bit of orthopaedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans. “So,” I said, “You didn’t believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg.” He just looked at me and said, … “I stand corrected.”