A noted criminal defense lawyer was making his closing argument for his client accused of murder, although the body of the victim had never been found. The lawyer dramatically turned to the courtroom’s clock and, pointing to it, announced, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have some astounding news. I have found the supposed victim of this murder to be alive! In just ten seconds, she will walk through the door of this courtroom.”

A heavy quiet suddenly fell over the courtroom as everyone waited for the dramatic entry. But nothing happened.

The smirking lawyer continued, “The mere fact that you were watching the door, expecting the victim to walk into this courtroom, is clear proof that you have far more than even a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed.” Tickled with the impact of his cleverness, the cocky lawyer confidently sat down to await acquittal.

The jury was instructed, filed out, and filed back in just ten minutes with a guilty verdict.

When the judge brought the proceedings to an end, the dismayed lawyer chased after the jury foreman: “Guilty? How could you convict? You were all watching the door!”

“Well,” the foreman explained, “Most of us were watching the door. But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn’t watching the door.”

A young couple was looking forward to the day they were to get married. Unfortunately, that plan was changed when they were both killed in a car accident.

Upon their arrival in Heaven, they sought out St. Peter and told him they were planning on getting married when they were killed, and asked St. Peter if he could arrange to have them married in Heaven. He pondered the question and said it would be difficult, but to come back in five years.

Five years later, they returned and again repeated their request. St. Peter said he hadn’t been able to make the arrangements yet, but asked them to return in another five years.

Five years later, they reappeared to him and St. Peter rejoiced in telling them he had been able to make the final arrangements. They were married shortly thereafter.

A few years later, they were having problems in their marriage and decided to get a divorce. They went to St. Peter, asking him to make the divorce arrangements. In exasperation, St. Peter said: “It took me ten years to get a judge up here so you could get married, and now you want me to find a LAWYER?”

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get this … fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued… and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested … on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms!