Little Johnny wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test:

Mr. Proctor: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Little Johnny : SEVEN!

Mr. Proctor: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Little Johnny : SEVEN!

Mr. Proctor: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of pop, and two bottles of pop, and another two bottles of pop, how many bottles of beer have you got?

Little Johnny : SIX.

Mr. Proctor: Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits,and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Little Johnny : SEVEN!

Mr. Proctor: How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Little Johnny : I’ve already got one rabbit at home!

A man went to the doctor to hear the results of his tests. The doctor sat him down and told him, “I have some very bad news for you. I’m afraid that you’re afflicted with a fatal and incurable disease.”

To which the man replies, “Well isn’t there ANYTHING I can do, doc?”

“Hmmm… maybe you could go to a spa and start taking daily mud baths.” The doctor tells the patient.

“Mud baths? Will that help me, doc?”

“Probably not, but at least you’ll get used to being covered in dirt!”

A noted criminal defense lawyer was making his closing argument for his client accused of murder, although the body of the victim had never been found. The lawyer dramatically turned to the courtroom’s clock and, pointing to it, announced, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have some astounding news. I have found the supposed victim of this murder to be alive! In just ten seconds, she will walk through the door of this courtroom.”

A heavy quiet suddenly fell over the courtroom as everyone waited for the dramatic entry. But nothing happened.

The smirking lawyer continued, “The mere fact that you were watching the door, expecting the victim to walk into this courtroom, is clear proof that you have far more than even a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed.” Tickled with the impact of his cleverness, the cocky lawyer confidently sat down to await acquittal.

The jury was instructed, filed out, and filed back in just ten minutes with a guilty verdict.

When the judge brought the proceedings to an end, the dismayed lawyer chased after the jury foreman: “Guilty? How could you convict? You were all watching the door!”

“Well,” the foreman explained, “Most of us were watching the door. But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn’t watching the door.”