A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

The Dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered he asks, “Can I speak to Alf, please?”

To which the person on the other end of the line said, “No! There’s no one called Alf here.” Then, they hung up.

“That’s irritation,” said Dad.

Then he picked up the phone again and dialed the same number; once again asking for Alf a second time. This time the irate answerer replied, “No — there’s no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I’ll call the police.”

“That’s aggravation,” commented Dad.

“Then what’s ‘frustration’?” asked his son.

The father picked up the phone and dialed the same number a third time: “Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?”

These are actual letters from parents to teachers, with spelling mistakes intact.

• My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,31, 32, and also 33.

• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

• Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

• Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

• Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to getthe Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

• Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

• Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument:

“Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”