1. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.

2. He had no in-laws to drop in.

3. There were no Jones for him to keep up with.

4. There were no credit cards OR shopping centres.

5. He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.

6. He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.

7. He never had to shovel snow!

8. If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn’t normal.

9. There was no “standard weight and height” tables - and the word FAT meant good.

10. When God asked “Adam, where are you?” He replied, “The woman you gave me was reading the map.”

A man went to the doctor to hear the results of his tests. The doctor sat him down and told him, “I have some very bad news for you. I’m afraid that you’re afflicted with a fatal and incurable disease.”

To which the man replies, “Well isn’t there ANYTHING I can do, doc?”

“Hmmm… maybe you could go to a spa and start taking daily mud baths.” The doctor tells the patient.

“Mud baths? Will that help me, doc?”

“Probably not, but at least you’ll get used to being covered in dirt!”

No, not me, at least not yet, but it is approaching. Better keep this handy. You’ll need it some day!

• I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts until 8 p.m.

• I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

• I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

• I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano and antacid.

• I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

• I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

• I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you are saying.

• I’m very good at telling stories…over and over and over and over.

• I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

• I’m so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care….

• I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians….

• I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

• I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

• I’m wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

• I’m having trouble remembering simple words like….

• I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

• I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

• I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation….

• I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

• I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors…absolutely nothing.

• I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

• I’m in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CDs, IRAs, AARP….

• I’m wondering…if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 135?

• I’m supporting all movements now…by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

• I’m a walking storeroom of facts…I’ve just lost the storeroom.

• I’m a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life!