1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity

2. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

3. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

4. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

5. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

A new element had been discovered. Please handle with extreme caution.

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: WO2

DISCOVERED BY: Adam

OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with painted film.

2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if handled incorrectly.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and special stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

MOST COMMON USE:

The refining process of the baser element–man (B02).

TESTS:

1. Pure specimens turn rosy pink when discovered in natural state.

2. Turns green when placed alongside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous regardless of amount of experience in handling and care

   .

2. Illegal to possess more than one.

3. Highly addictive especially when a chemical reaction has taken place.

SUMMARY:

An invaluable discovery! Handle with care. Treat as rare and precious.

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem.” ”

What’s the problem, Adam?”, God replies.

“Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I’m just not happy”

“Why is that, Adam?”, comes the reply from the heavens.

“Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.”

“Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a ‘woman’ for you.”

“What’s a ‘woman’, Lord?”

“This ‘woman’ will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth.

She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.”, replies the heavenly voice.

“Sounds great.”

“She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam.”

“How much will this ‘woman’ cost me Lord?”, Adam replies.

“She’ll cost you your right arm, your right leg, and an eye, an ear of your choice.”

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, “Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?” The rest, as they say, is history