No, not me, at least not yet, but it is approaching. Better keep this handy. You’ll need it some day!

• I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts until 8 p.m.

• I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

• I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

• I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano and antacid.

• I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

• I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

• I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you are saying.

• I’m very good at telling stories…over and over and over and over.

• I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

• I’m so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care….

• I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians….

• I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

• I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

• I’m wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

• I’m having trouble remembering simple words like….

• I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

• I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

• I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation….

• I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

• I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors…absolutely nothing.

• I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

• I’m in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CDs, IRAs, AARP….

• I’m wondering…if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 135?

• I’m supporting all movements now…by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

• I’m a walking storeroom of facts…I’ve just lost the storeroom.

• I’m a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life!