This list apparently comes from a healthcare professional who has come across the following quotes from actual medical records dictated by physicians.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

• Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

• The patient has no past history of suicides.

• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

• Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

• The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

• The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

• The patient refused an autopsy.