“In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” – Paul Harvey

“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.” – Herbert Hoover

“Always buy thermometers in the summer, because they come with more mercury.” – Frank Muir

“No matter where you go, there you are.” – Buckaroo Banzai

“How would we measure hail without golf balls?” – Hank Caruso

“One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.” – Hank Caruso

“The only thing to prevent what’s past is to put a stop to it before it happens.” – Sir Boyle Roche

“This planet is our home. If we destroy our planet, we’ve destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important.” – Ross Perot

“You can not enlighten the unconscious.” – Roger Mellot

“If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.” – Bobcat Goldthwait

“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?” – John Mendoza

“Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.” – Sue Murphy

“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, oh my! I could be eating a slow learner.” – Lynda Montgomery