Welcome to Grant's Heavenly Top Ten. I trust that everyone's had a great Christ-Centered Christmas! "Why yes," you say! "Yes, I certainly did, except for . . ." "Except for what? You can tell me!" "Except that I got 35 pairs of socks again! I hate getting socks!", you reply. Ah, now I understand. To help you through this difficult time, let me share with you the January 1998 Edition of the Heavenly Top Ten, which is:
“Top Ten Fun Things
To Do With Socks”
- Create a shrine to "Lamb Chop"!
- Wear them on your hands, instead of mitts. Then, claim that you've just returned from Paris and it's definitely the LATEST!
- Follow one to see if it will lead you to the single sock burial ground!
- Make a "Stress Sock" by filling one with mashed potatoes. Then, whenever you're a bit stressed, simply squeeze to your hearts content. NOTE — (1) Make sure you tie the open end, first! (2) please replace the potatoes frequently!
- Start a puppet ministry in your church!
- Attach an elastic to one and wear it over your nose and mouth claiming it's the only way to beat this new chicken flu!
- Any time you meet someone new, pull a sock out of your pocket and put it on your hand before shaking!
- Velcro one to your shoulder and dare people to knock it off!
- Have the church address printed on them. Then, hand them out, one at a time, as you're visiting in the community. Tell people that they'll get the other sock if they come to the service this week!
- And the number one fun thing
to do with socks is: - Put one in your mouth upon entering an elevator and tell everyone as loudly as you can (with a sock in your mouth — this requires practice) that someone just socked you in the mouth!
The Heavenly Top Ten is intended to be a fun look at
issues of faith and fellowship. It should not be considered a serious treatment
of
any of the topics presented.